Shorty’s Facebook Page Receives Well-Deserved Praise

Clay Brown ’14
Beck Stanley ’13

Once again, Walter “Shorty” Simms has grabbed the attention of the Hampden-Sydney College community. Only this time it’s via Facebook, where Shorty has no reservations about speaking his mind. His recent statuses have included everything from Robert Griffin III to this Homecoming’s Bruce Hornsby show. “Shorty deserves some recognition because his statuses are exceptional,” commented sophomore J.D. Galyon. You’re spot on J.D. and we could not agree more.
One status in particular reverberates off the Facebook walls like none other: “No more painting Hampden-Sydney College for me. I am going to be a NFL referee. I know I can do a better job.” While nobody disputed this claim, it goes without saying that Shorty was correct in thinking he could have made better calls than the fill-in refs. The status received 145 likes in a short twenty minutes. Hoobie Doobie!
His Facebook wall also features a lot of interesting facts about his tenure here at Hampden-Sydney, like the time he started working for Buildings and Grounds in 1973 painting various buildings on campus. But Shorty isn’t all work. He loves to have a good time at home football games, as he is sure to note in the “About Me” section. And don’t worry ladies, he keeps his relationship status as “Single.” So lookout!
Just taste this little diddy he typed out earlier last month about NASCAR legend Richard Petty’s visit to campus: “I see that Richard Petty is at Hampden-Sydney College today. He’s the King. I am the greatest.” You’re exactly right, Shorty. You are the greatest.
But let’s be clear. This isn’t Shorty’s first major media appearance. His own documentary, appropriately titled “Shorty” was released in 2003 and is now featured in the IMDB. The film follows our beloved friend in the days leading to the Hampden-Sydney/Randolph Macon football game which, in 2002, coincided with Shorty’s 56th birthday. Needless to say, Shorty is excited about this year’s big game as well. His birthday is the following Wednesday.
Shorty’s newfound Facebook prowl comes in the wake of several social media change-ups on campus. Last Spring, an Assistant Dean of Students was repeatedly mocked by humorists under a “NotName” Twitter feed that picked up some 150 followers. Later in the year, William P.O. Moss ’09 was hired back as Social Media Director and Special Assistant to President Howard. Mr. Moss could not be reached before this piece went to the printers, but judging by his “likes” on Shorty’s statuses, it’s safe to say he endorses them.
The bottom line is this: if you love this school and Walter “Shorty” Simms, add this fine gentleman to your Facebook feed immediately as he is nothing less than inspirational.

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